ĮRANSVESTIA

woman when I was dressed like one. The scheme worked. After two years I had played several parts in the group's productions-nothing very grand but then I was not only inexperienced but I was a bit too short and slight to play big he-man parts-and had not only been complimented on my performances but had learned a great deal about the craft of acting. This, added to the continual and intensive study I made of women of about my own age group-how they moved, sat, talked, dressed, behaved, every tiny detail I could glean by observation-made my presence when I was dressed and made-up more and more convincing.

But the girl I became in private stayed in private. As I had no woman to criticize my performance I could not screw up my courage to go out in public. The fear that I might unknowingly display some blatantly masculine trait was always with me and I could not bear the thought of publicly failing in this precious of life's activities.

So that was the reason for the second suitcase. In those days I lived by myself in a flat and when I was alone dressed as I liked to be. But an active social life meant that I was very rarely alone and because of this I used to grab at any reasonable excuse for a trip away just so that I could bring my other self with me. She could appear in her full glory in my hotel rooms far oftener than she could ever manage at home in my own flat.

So there I was at the beginning of a new trip-eight o'clock in the evening in a bedroom in a country hotel in the South of Scotland with the door locked and the air smelling faintly of "Fleurs de Rocaille" as I gazed in the mirror. Calmly Karen gazed back at me. For the thousandth time I studied her appearance. Dark hair prettily styled, blue eyes, peaches and cream complexion complemented by a carmine lipstick, pale blue turtle neck sweater softly folded over a shapely bust and curving in the narrow waist and the A-line skirt of the powder blue costume, slender legs ending in blue court shoes with tall slim heels. In her ears small pearl earrings reflected the pearls of the short two-strand necklace while on the third finger of the left hand a saphire and diamond engagement ring sparkled. On the dressing table stood the navy handbag and carelessly slung over the end of the bed were the costume jacket and the three-quarter length fur coat. In my eyes she was lovely, the epitome of beautiful woman- hood. If only others could see her as I did-men turning to stare in admiration, girls gazing in envy. Why couldn't I bring myself to go

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